"TED CRUZ" β€” A Bad Lip Reading

Ted Cruzdebatepresidentadlip dubhairwifecampaignvotefunny

It's time for a new kind of leader....
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5dmkiii60
The guy behind the making of these videos, and apparently it is just one guy doing everything, is absolutely BRILLIANT. Here's an interview by Rolling Stone that talked to this amazingly talented guy. http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/exclusive-the-bad-lip-reader-speaks-20111007
Michael Wosslert
That man makes Trump seem like a genius.
Ech0
1:03



I KNOW
Stewart Harding
Great video my friend. Thanks for sharing! πŸ™‚
Ella Hurst
The like ooooo is hilarious
LOLFACEALEX Chloe
Your face, isn’t my face.


- Ted Cruz
Maggie McFaraland
1:45 πŸ’€
KoRn 333
I need a bogel for the glotch
Shots Fired
1:50
Shots Fired
0:48
Random Fish Guy
Hey Cruz, I think I have a simialirity with you.
I love hairs.
I ate them.
Ooooooohhhhhh......hairs.....
Wolf Hailey
This man publicly liked a porn vid on 9/11 what happened to you America we missed out
Nolan Orff
0:45-0:48 mmmmmm hair
KittyBooRocks5
This one’s a classic. β€œJordan the centipede taught me a card trick.”
XR-Phoenix
This reminded me of the campaign with will ferral and Zack galifianakis. Also 2:28-2:31 was great
piuppifeker169
1
It wasn't enough
No, it's not enough
So just let it go
J" But the angels,
they brought you
And they're
gonna hold you up
They see
the fear in your eyes
When nobody stands,
stand on your own
J" But the angels,
they brought you
And they're
gonna hold you up
They're gonna
hold you up
You got your
pre-registration sheet?
Yeah.
All core requirements
are here.
What is your
humanities elective?
Philosophy 150.
Because?
I'd recommend Patel
or maybe Mueller.
Come on, man.
It can't be that bad.
I don't think
I can really--
It's your funeral.
Last drop date
is the 22nd.
You might want to
keep that in mind.
You're done.
- Hi.
- Martin Yip.
What does
P.R.C. stand for?
Oh. Seriously?
Oh yes, always serious.
Okay.
White &
Wolfe, how can I help you?
Yes, please hold.
White & Wolfe.
Thank you, bye-bye.
As you can on-margin.
You're on with Marc.
Hey, I need you
to give me directions.
You're kidding, right?
Can't do it. The
Nikkei just opened
and there's a massive
sell-off going on.
At La Rive Gauche.
Wait, you'll take me
to La Rive Gauche
What's in it for me?
You're kidding, right?
You're serious.
Of Duck Commander
Willie Robertson,
and I am going to
crash that party
and hold his feet
to the fire.
And my--
--own advertisers.
That's my girl!
Not just another
pretty face.
Oh my, chicken!
Are you serious?
Is it okay if I help?
Oh, alright, alright.
You're new here,
aren't you?
It's me, Mom.
Mina, your daughter.
I'm sorry, I don't--
It's okay, it's okay.
I don't see a ring.
It's complicated.
If either of those facts
is news to you,
then now would be
your turn to leave.
I understand
some of you are here
Pfft, I'm out.
There's always one.
Michel Foucault,
Bertrand Russel,
Ludwig Feuerbach,
Bertolt Brecht,
Sigmund Freud
N o a m C ho ms k .
The list goes on.
Philosophers, poets,
scientists, authors,
towering intellects,
all of them.
But what do they
all have in common?
Yes?
They're all dead.
Well,
that would be I n correct.
G-dog Gerard Trigga.
G-dog-
Anyone else?
No one?
Well, they are,
or were...atheists.
From the Greek "theos,"
meaning "God,"
and from the prefix "a,"
In short, each of
the thinkers I named
took the strong position
that there is no God,
all-powerful,
supernatural being.
- Hey!
- How was your flight?
- Wonderful.
- Wonderful?
It's like
a 30-hour flight.
Thirty-six.
Great to see you.
Nice to see you.
Dakar to Zurich,
Zurich to Frankfurt,
an 8-hour layover,
and direct
to Carter International.
All the time.
And all the time?
God is good.
God is dead.
This is, of course,
a metaphor,
and crop failures,
diseases and disasters,
which we now ascribe
to bacteria and viruses,
and we are
all the better for it.
There is no God.
All that I require
from each of you
"God is dead,"
which I expect we will,
I will be spared
the tedious duty
their lowest grades
of the semester.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Oh, a lower case
Thank you.
Excuse me, Mister--
Wheaton.
Josh Wheaten.
Mr. Wheaton,
is something wrong?
Yeah, I can't.
I can't do
what you want.
I'm a Christian.
Oh, don't worry.
You can still go back
to your dorm room
and sink to your knees
but what you do
in this class is mine.
I can't.
Alright, Mr. Wheaton.
Allow me to explain
the alternative.
Then you will need
to defend the antithesis
that God is not dead.
And you'll need to do it
in front of this class
from the podium.
Are you ready
to accept that?
Well, who would decide
whether I won
or lost the argument?
Well, I Would.
It's my class, my rules.
Well, what about them?
Well, that's interesting,
but why would I want
to empower them?
Well, you've already
won them over.
I mean, I'd have to
unconvince them,
get them to admit
they were wrong.
Alright, Mr. Wheaton.
You'll get 3 sessions,
to make your case.
But I will not increase
your allotted time.
Of course,
you'll be responsible
for all the other
class assignments.
For our next class,
and Renee Descartes'
"Discourse on Method,"
to which you may add
Bertrand Russell's
and in thanks for his
failure to help us reach
You don't want
to deny your faith, I get it.
Yeah, but I'm not sure
I can do that.
Don't be ridiculous.
I don't know,
I just keep thinking
of that (3.8. Lewis line,
Josh, why am I here?
Hello, earth to Josh.
Why am I, Salutatorian
of our graduating class,
here at my
third-choice school?
I'm sorry for having
the next 5 years
of our life planned out.
That's just who I am.
I don't know, Kara,
it's just--
and if you want
to get into law school,
you can't afford
to flunk this class.
Even a "C"
could be disastrous.
I don't know why
you wear those heels.
You're too tall.
You're taller than me.
You're man enough
to handle it.
Mr. Robertson!
Hi, or should I
call you Willie?
You can call me Willie.
Amy Ryan,
I blog "The New Left."
Can I ask you
a few questions?
Yeah, sure, fire away.
This is my wife--
Korie, I know.
I'm actually surprised
to see you here.
I do kinda
miss those days, huh?
Yeah, you want to start
again? We can try.
No.
You've made a
fortune selling devices
Oh, I guess
when you say "you,"
which would be "y'all."
You can just
change it to "y'all."
That'd be an
easier expression,
that way it'll get
everybody in there.
We're doing alright.
So life is good.
Hey, look, let's just get
one thing straight.
I ain't maiming nothing.
When I shoot it,
I kill it and then I eat it.
So, you do kill
those ducks?
Of course I do.
What am I gonna do,
cook 'em while they're
still moving around?
That would be cruel.
That'd be bad.
We've been married
for 20 years.
But on the things
that matter, yeah,
I agree wholeheartedly.
Not just because
of the hunting,
As far as my
praying to Jesus,
Temporary.
Even life is temporary.
Jesus, that's eternal.
Jesus said this:
And that's it?
Pretty simple, isn't it?
Thanks for your time.
No thanks, I'm good.
You're good?
Alright.
Who was that lady?
You're beautiful.
I wish you
didn't have to do that.
It's for my father.
He's very traditional.
No one.
Ayisha, I know it's hard
living in their world
and being apart from it,
a world you can see
but can't touch.
There is no one
who worships God,
We must never forget
who and what we are.
That is the most
important thing.
Yes, Baba.
I only insist on this
because I love you.
That I love you?
Of course, Baba.
Can I help you?
It looks like he's
out at the moment.
Well, maybe
that's why he sent me.
We are the ones
and zeros
We are the ones
I could drop
the class, run away,
pretend like
it never happened,
which is what
my girlfriend wants.
By trying to prove
that God exists.
How many people
in that class?
Eighty maybe.
And how many of them
do you think
would ever
step foot in here,
or any other church
for that matter?
Well, none probably.
So, your acceptance
of this challenge,
they'll ever have.
Yeah.
Yeah, I suppose so.
Check out
Matthew 10:32-33.
What, that's it?
That's all?
Yeah.
If you're still undecided
after that one,
look at Luke 12:48.
It can't be that simple.
Sure it can.
All you have to do
is decide
whether or not
you're willing to listen.
It's not easy,
but it's simple.
"but whoever
denies me before men,
"Everyone to whom
much was given,
"and from him to whom
they entrusted much,
Sorry I'm late.
That's alright.
Okay, as I was saying--
Amy.
Your results
came back positive.
You have cancer.
I don't have time
for cancer.
I'm too busy.
Evidence
of distant metastasis.
We need to determine
the extent of it.
I know you're
very important
and the world can't
get along without you,
but it's my job
to let you know
that it may be preparing
to do exactly that,
Do you understand?
Hey babe.
More like I forgot
to turn my phone on.
Do you know
what day it is?
Thursday?
Anything else?
The 13th?
Happy anniversary.
You remembered.
Mm-hmm, and
we're gonna celebrate.
The Newsboys.
They're gonna be
in town next Friday.
You are amazing,
which is why I love you.
You know, I just--
You get that, can't you?
- Sure.
- Forgive me?
- Always.
Come on.
I just need--
Whoa!
Well, that can't
all be Statistics.
Not all of it.
Okay, most of it.
Josh, that's not funny.
Okay, it's really not.
Look, this is something
I want to do, okay?
Josh, everything
you do is about us.
Okay, we're a team.
I'm a part of that.
Yeah, well,
neither do my parents
if every single person
that loves you
is saying
the exact same thing?
This experiment is over.
You need to prioritize
and decide
What if it's God?
And move on.
We're not in
high school anymore.
Josh!
Josh, this is serious.
I know.
You know.
Standing in front
of the fairy tale castle.
Can you not
understand that?
Sixteenth biggest.
It will be
the world's biggest
and I'll be glad that
it's not taller than it is.
Maybe the battery--
Or the starter.
I'll call and arrange
for a rental car.
But how will we
get to the rental car?
They'll deliver it to us.
Are you serious?
Yeah, absolutely.
They'll deliver us
the car we are to drive?
Yeah.
Hello?
Amazing.
But there
are some flat-earthers out there
to be either necessary,
or self-evident, or both.
Who will be presenting
his case in favor
of a supreme
celestial dictator,
Mr. Wheaton,
are you ready?
Podium is yours.
And well, they're right.
But the only way
to debate this issue
is to look at
the available evidence,
and that's what
we're going to do.
We're going to
put God on trial,
and you as the jury.
In an event
known as the Big Bang.
So, let's look
at theoretical physicist
of what the Big Bang
would have looked like.
In his description.
In the beginning,
there was an explosion,
or ever will be,
was produced.
We had a universe.
For 2,500 years,
that the universe
has always existed
who was actually also--
What's a theist?
Out of nothingness,
in an unimaginably
intense flash of light
is how he would expect
the universe to respond
"Let there be light."
and for 2,500 years,
So, the
earliest you can get here is 5?
Okay, we'll be waiting.
Wait, it has
air conditioning, right?
Okay, thanks.
It's okay, David.
Sure.
We can meet
the choir director,
Or we could meet
the women's club
Lots of important stuff.
You'll have time
to meet Mina for lunch.
Right, I can meet
Mina for lunch.
No, I just need
to do some meaningful work
This com
ianik
Comment 10.000
Malkrag
Say no to goose diarrhea.
David Lomonaco
halahalahalahalahala
Charlie Ramirez
πŸ€£πŸ‘πŸ‘ŒπŸŽ‰
The Changster
IM CRYING πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
TheTommyTron / Tommy Rose
"I made a hole and then barfed on the beach!"
Pikie Stuton
He would be a great Futurama character
tim weatherill
Gabe?
Ambrose Pink
Hahaha
Door Slam
JUICY AMERICA!
AlecTheGamer04
I need a bogle for the glotch
Suzie Aguirre
There going to mobalise every one they need just be ready
Suzie Aguirre
I got to get a breathing mask
Suzie Aguirre
Let's hope the rain will co.e soon enough
Suzie Aguirre
Thu like living in Alexandria Egypt DURING Cleopatra and Cesar
Suzie Aguirre
I really nope but gets cold fast so the fire can die down
Suzie Aguirre
Smshs meshes that was bad lip reading
Lana Del Gay
Why does he always look like he's dead inside
TheBuzzingGamer
WE SHALL NEVER SURREENNDAAAHH
Help me get to 100 subs please thank you
10 likes and i will show you how to do this
but you already know
so this is a useless comment
maybe this will give it away?
Logan Johnson
0:45 kills me
Thomas The Dank Engine
Mmmm... Hair...
zayzoom
3:23 πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
Brittany B
Juicy america
marcus zarafonetis
Classic ted
Nabu V
Holla holla holla holla...
MrOmegaBeams
"Doesn't that mean you go to jail?"
"No, because I ran away"
48.95,21.91SV
🎡 Jordan the centipede 🎼 taught me a card trick πŸ˜…πŸ˜…
dylan salber
yea he smashed the like button on some meat beating material the fuck y'all gonna do
The Amazing Lucas
The only oppression of blacks presently has happened by blacks themselves.
filipinordabest
I know many people, and Ted Cruz is one of them
Arthur Dent
"I don't wanna ask who's the baby daddy... I know it's him" -- that made me audibly laugh
Masilator
2:06 "i hate pervy records"


now has a pervy record on twitter
Karnivore Volpe
I need a bogel for the glotch.
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